You Can Do It!
When Julia Gaspar-Bates’ 17-month-old daughter feeds herself, it’s not a pretty sight. Food is everywhere -- in the toddler’s hair, on her high chair and on the floor. But it’s a definite improvement. In the few months since little Talia started spooning out her own yogurt and cereal, she’s gotten much better. Sometimes, she even gets most of the food into her mouth, says Gaspar-Bates of Hyattsville, Md. Best of all is the sense of accomplishment that Talia seems to feel when she does feed herself.
"When she first started doing it, the food was all over the place -- it was hard to resist helping her. But now, she’s gotten better at it. I’ll say, 'Good job, Talia! Look how well you’re eating,'" says Gaspar-Bates. “She always seems very pleased with herself afterward."
Resist the Temptation
It’s not easy to hold back from helping your child when it seems like she’s struggling with something new or making mistakes. But experts say that kids gain confidence by trying to do things for themselves, even if it means failing at first. “We’re all guilty of it. We have so many things to do, that it’s sometimes just easier to do it ourselves,” says David Dia, a child therapist and an assistant professor at the University of Tennessee’s College of Social Work in Memphis. “But when a child struggles with something new and the parent comes to help, that can send a message that we think they can’t do it.”
Dia gives an example of a father who thought he was helping his son by giving him lots of instructions whenever he tried doing something. Finally, the boy said, “My Dad doesn’t think I can do anything.” Sometimes, what we intend and how it affects a child are two very different things, explains Dia.
Dia suggests that parents look for opportunities to give their children the chance to try things on their own -- from walking out to get the newspaper from the front lawn in the morning to ordering their own food in a restaurant. When a child struggles with something and then finds that he’s able to figure out how to do it on his own, that gives him a sense of pride in what he does. “When our children face new situations, we want them to think that they have the skills to handle them,” says Dia.
What and When
Not all kids develop at the same rate, so it’s important not to push them before they are ready to try new things. Here are some age-appropriate tasks that you can guide your child to attempt…and accomplish:
Ages 1-2 Climb steps, eat with a spoon, bring a diaper or clothing for dressing, put toys away, and get a bowl and spoon out for mealtime.
Ages 2-3 Put on socks and shoes, brush teeth and hair, take off clothes, wash hands, wash body in the bathtub, drink from a cup and get into the car seat.
Ages 3-4 Pour a bowl of cereal, buckle the car seat, help with cooking, get dressed, put on a jacket, make the bed and wash hands.
Gaspar-Bates has already seen the benefits of encouraging her daughter to do things on her own. “She’s starting to help dress herself, and she brushes her own teeth. She even pushes her own stroller!” she says.
Jacqueline Mroz is a freelance journalist who has worked as an editor and children's book columnist for The Bergen Record and written for Parents magazine.
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