Security Matters
Q: My 2-year-old daughter has a favorite stuffed
animal that she sleeps with every night. In fact, she won't go to bed or take a
nap without it. I am planning to enroll her in preschool soon, and I am
wondering if it is appropriate to send her stuffed animal along for naptime. At
what age does a security object become a problem?
A: Children love to have a favorite stuffed animal
or blanket to sleep with, take in the car, or even cart around on the playground. This very special "companion" is a transitional object that makes them feel secure. Transitional objects are especially coveted for occasions like naptime when the child is going to be alone in her room as she drifts to sleep. Your daughter also wakes up on her own, so it's probably
really important to have her stuffed animal as she moves from sleep to wakefulness. As your daughter internalizes you,
she'll come to learn that you'll return even though she can't see you. At this time her stuffed animal will become less important. All of this is to say that your daughter wants her stuffed animal around when you can't be present.
Starting preschool is a big step for a child and her family. It is absolutely fine for you to let your daughter bring her favorite stuffed animal with her as she makes this transition. Many schools provide cubbies or little shelves for
students where stuffed animals can stay until naptime. The stuffed animal will
help your daughter get the rest she needs after engaging in the life of the
classroom.
Take precautions so your daughter doesn't lose her stuffed animal. These
special comforts are irreplaceable. To avoid a potentially upsetting loss,
identify a place in the classroom (like the cubby) where the stuffed animal can
stay until needed. If she notices that other children don't bring
their stuffed animals along for naptime, your daughter may eventually decide hers can stay at home, eagerly awaiting her return. —Caroline S. Clauss-Ehlers, Ph.D.
Boys vs. Girls
Q: My son is a little over 3-years-old and seems to
be taking his time to become totally potty trained. Is it true that boys tend to take longer than girls?
A: Yes, it's true that boys, in general, complete
toilet training later than girls. Girls are generally more responsive to the
prompts -- be grown-up or to do what's expected of them -- while boys are more
dependent upon maturation in such areas as sleep and the ability to hold urine
for longer periods. In fairness, boys face more complicated demands, both
anatomically and behaviorally -- two different positions for pees and poops,
for example. But girls are just ahead on this developmental task, as they are
for all tasks that are either social or verbal in nature. —Suzanne Dixon, M.D., M.P.H
A Question of Style
Q: Why is my 3
A: I understand how frustrating
this can be. Some children are perfectionists. In addition to concerns about
clothing, they're easily frustrated and very concerned about making mistakes.
This type of behavior seems to run in families, although it's unclear how much
is genetic and how much is the family environment.
Is there anyone else in your
family who likes things “just so”? Sometimes, the tension over adults’ strong
expectations can make children more anxious about getting things right. If you
loosen up, your child just may do the same.
Also,
talk about the mistakes you make in front of your child. Purposely spill
something on the floor and lightheartedly comment, “Oh, look at that spill. No
big deal!” or a similar remark. This lets your child know that it's okay to
make mistakes. —Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D.
