Security Matters

Q: My 2-year-old daughter has a favorite stuffed animal that she sleeps with every night. In fact, she won't go to bed or take a nap without it. I am planning to enroll her in preschool soon, and I am wondering if it is appropriate to send her stuffed animal along for naptime. At what age does a security object become a problem?

A: Children love to have a favorite stuffed animal or blanket to sleep with, take in the car, or even cart around on the playground. This very special "companion" is a transitional object that makes them feel secure. Transitional objects are especially coveted for occasions like naptime when the child is going to be alone in her room as she drifts to sleep. Your daughter also wakes up on her own, so it's probably really important to have her stuffed animal as she moves from sleep to wakefulness. As your daughter internalizes you, she'll come to learn that you'll return even though she can't see you. At this time her stuffed animal will become less important. All of this is to say that your daughter wants her stuffed animal around when you can't be present.

Starting preschool is a big step for a child and her family. It is absolutely fine for you to let your daughter bring her favorite stuffed animal with her as she makes this transition. Many schools provide cubbies or little shelves for students where stuffed animals can stay until naptime. The stuffed animal will help your daughter get the rest she needs after engaging in the life of the classroom.

Take precautions so your daughter doesn't lose her stuffed animal. These special comforts are irreplaceable. To avoid a potentially upsetting loss, identify a place in the classroom (like the cubby) where the stuffed animal can stay until needed. If she notices that other children don't bring their stuffed animals along for naptime, your daughter may eventually decide hers can stay at home, eagerly awaiting her return. —Caroline S. Clauss-Ehlers, Ph.D.

Boys vs. Girls

Q: My son is a little over 3-years-old and seems to be taking his time to become totally potty trained. Is it true that boys tend to take longer than girls?

A: Yes, it's true that boys, in general, complete toilet training later than girls. Girls are generally more responsive to the prompts -- be grown-up or to do what's expected of them -- while boys are more dependent upon maturation in such areas as sleep and the ability to hold urine for longer periods. In fairness, boys face more complicated demands, both anatomically and behaviorally -- two different positions for pees and poops, for example. But girls are just ahead on this developmental task, as they are for all tasks that are either social or verbal in nature. —Suzanne Dixon, M.D., M.P.H

A Question of Style

Q: Why is my 3 ½ -year-old son so obsessed with his clothing? He has to have his shirt tucked in "just so" and always has to have his belt be just right. I lose my temper after about the sixth change during the day. Help!

A: I understand how frustrating this can be. Some children are perfectionists. In addition to concerns about clothing, they're easily frustrated and very concerned about making mistakes. This type of behavior seems to run in families, although it's unclear how much is genetic and how much is the family environment.

Is there anyone else in your family who likes things “just so”? Sometimes, the tension over adults’ strong expectations can make children more anxious about getting things right. If you loosen up, your child just may do the same.

Also, talk about the mistakes you make in front of your child. Purposely spill something on the floor and lightheartedly comment, “Oh, look at that spill. No big deal!” or a similar remark. This lets your child know that it's okay to make mistakes. —Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D.